PlansFixed prices · signed contracts · real end dates

Fixed prices. Signed contracts. Real end dates.

We sell one thing: the princess comes home. Everything on this page exists to make that happen once – or never be needed at all.

The Full RescueTower Watch (Retainer)
What it isPlan and run a complete rescueStanding yearly watch to prevent a rescue
Best fitOne princess, one tower, 40 days or lessKingdoms that lost someone once and won't be caught flat-footed again
Price300 gold flat~60 gold/year (about a fifth of a full rescue)
TermUnder 40 daysAnnual
OutcomePrincess delivered to the castle stepsA threat caught before it becomes a rescue
Offering 01 · service contractOne fixed price · one end date

The Full Rescue

We plan and run the full rescue: scouting, dragon handling, witch handling, princess delivery. One fixed price. All of it in under 40 days.

What's included
A 14-day scouting report with a full tower map.
Named dragon and witch profiles – patrol routes, sleep windows, daily schedules.
A 22-step rescue plan.
A 4-person rescue team on site.
The princess delivered to your castle steps.
A post-rescue council briefing and filed report.

Best fit: kingdoms with one princess in one tower, 40 days or less before her birthday, and a king willing to sign a contract. Not for kingdoms still betting on lone knights.

What it costs
300 gold
Half up front, half on delivery. No refunds on scouting once the report is delivered.
Maximum 400 gold – and only if the princess has been held two years or more.
in writing. read it twice — there is no trap.
when kingdoms call: the second failed knight, the first ransom the king can't afford, or the moment the queen stops coming to dinner
Tower WatchAnnual prevention retainer

The rescue that never has to happen.

A standing yearly contract. Our scouts monitor known towers, witches, and dragons across your lands, so a threat is caught – or stopped – before it ever becomes a rescue.

Quarterly tower surveys.
A watched-list of active witches and dragons across your lands.
A 48-hour rapid-response team on retainer.
An annual risk briefing delivered to your council.

A flat annual retainer scaled to the number of heirs and borders watched – ~60 gold a year, roughly a fifth of the cost of a single full rescue, billed yearly.

most kingdoms sign the week after their own rescue — when relief curdles into “what if it happens again.” the rest sign the day a neighboring realm loses an heir.
Why the 40-day window isn't marketing

Time is the witch's whole power. So we put the end date in the contract.

When a princess turns 21, the spell becomes permanent. Rescue stops being hard and becomes impossible. Until then, every month she stays in the tower the witch gets stronger, the dragon gets hungrier, the noble families get more restless, and the ransom price goes up. We treat the calendar as the enemy.

Phase 1 in action

The scouts arrive at the tower on day one – mapping the walls, counting the guards, sketching the dragon's patrol route in charcoal on sheepskin.

What lands on your desk

On the morning of your war council, the table covered in the rescue plan – three phases drawn in ink, the tower map pinned at the center, the timeline marked in red along the bottom edge.

Phase 2 in action

The rescue team rehearsing in your courtyard at dusk – a tower mock-up built from scaffolding, each member moving to their position without a word spoken.

Phase 3 in action

By morning, the princess walks through the castle gate – the rescue team behind her, the tower empty on the horizon, the king running across the courtyard.

Princess home in 45 days at the outside – our average is 28.

“You wouldn't send one sailor to cross the ocean. A tower is an ocean standing on its end.”
The whole service, in one sentence
The Silver Ribbon Guarantee
Home in 40 days, or the final 150 gold is waived.
In force on every Full Rescue since 1491. Honored 47 times. Invoked twice.
The question every king asks
“What if the dragon won't talk?”

We've brought princesses home from 4 towers with dragons. The dragon is a problem we solve, not a wall – our expert speaks Dragon.

Send a messenger bird with your tower's location.

Within two weeks you'll have a scout report, a dragon profile, and a fixed-price rescue plan. No commitment. No cost. Just a map.